The Upside Down Girl

"tokyo" by Mo Hayder

2008-05-09T14:53:00.001+12:00

Tokyo By Mo Hayder
Originally uploaded by pointybunny

Alternate Titles: The Devil of Nanking and Tokio
ISBN#

Quick: Very gruesome, hard to put down thriller set in Asia.
5/5 claws

Recently I randomly chose "tokyo" simply because of the title since I hadn't heard of the author before. What a fantastic find! This book has turned out to be my favorite I have read this year.

The story takes place partially in Nanking, China and Tokyo, Japan in two alternating story arcs that eventually meld together perfectly. Many writers have based their stories in Tokyo, Japan but few have actually been able to accurately describe Tokyo and bring a feeling of Japan with them. Since the author has lived and worked in Tokyo she has brought a feeling of authenticity with her that is refreshing. I used to live there as well and little details scattered through the story brought me right back in memory.

The first story line follows the fall of Nanking, China to the Japanese and the atrocities that were committed there after take over. There arent too many books available that give some history of the Rape of Nanking and many readers may not even be familiar with the history at all. The Nanking storyline goes into gruesome details and can be very unsettling at times.

The main character is an English woman named "Grey" who has gone to Tokyo to find missing film footage from the fall of Nanking. She works as a bar hostess while attempting to track down the missing film. While she is there she meets a Yakuza boss and just how does he fit in with her quest?

Tokyo is a literally "a page turner". I couldn't put it down, many people may find it too violent or graphic because Mo Hayder does not mess around. The characters are well done and interesting, the story is fast paced and exciting. All in all, I will be searching out more books from this author!

Flickr

2008-05-09T14:37:00.001+12:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Woke Up WAY To Early

2008-02-04T08:00:00.000+13:00

I was having a nightmare that someone came and took Meggy away from me saying I was a bad mom. I guess the spanking episode of last night really stayed in my mind. I was so mad at T last night I didnt talk to him for a long time but then when he came to bed he asked me if I was mad at him and we talked about the punishment system and he said he didnt think that the naughtly corner was working and he got mad and said he would just leave it all to me. I told him that wasnt what I wanted, we have to both be doing the same thing. He said he would back me up, lets see how it goes.

Its pouring rain today.

The New Year = New Problems

2008-02-03T22:01:00.000+13:00

I decided I should keep my blog more to date in the New Year. I have so much I want to write about and so much to remember hopefully I wont forget as much as I did last year. T's business has failed and he has decided to give up New Zealand and try and go back to the US. Not sure what is going to happen. I dont know how I feel about it. Since his business has gone under he has been severely depressed and doesnt do much but sit on the couch and play video games. This week he has played about 9 hours per day at least. We always said we werent going to punish Meggy with spankings but with a naughty corner which I have been doing faithfully. It works so well that when I tell her that she is naughty she goes right to the corner. Tonight though she was trying to get his attention while he was playing games and he spanked her so hard her bottom was bright red and sore. I know it hurt because I intervened and he hit my hand. It hurt alot. I guess one reason I came to my blog was because I wanted somewhere I could hash it out in my mind and make sense of it. I know we will argue about this and the two types of discipline will confuse her. He isnt a violent man so I dont know where this coming from, is this a sympton of his depression? Should I be worried?
I love our life now and I dont want anything to change. Here is hoping 2008 can turn out better.

On The Road Again

2007-08-18T08:23:00.001+12:00

On The Road Again
Originally uploaded by pointybunny

Off to visit Australia again. Going to the gold coast this time as part of my birthday celebration. I am getting tired of flying though. Its such a hassle. Now even though you have a baby with you the airline/customs/security - you name it - feel they have the right to be jerks. Last time we went to Australia the security people were complete asses and dare I accuse them of racial profiling? They took T away and completely searched him in another room without even telling me leaving me alone in the airport with the baby while they dumped out every little thing in my diaper bag and made comments about everything like "why do you need this?" I don't know buddy, chances are kids need FOOD. I was angry and when I get angry I get sarcastic so luckily I managed to calm myself down before I got myself arrested. Anyway, I didnt mean to gripe here just saying why I am not looking forward to airline travel ps dont fly Pacific Blue, it's like the href="http://www.fungwahbus.com/">Fung Wah Bus of the sky.

We are leaving in 6 hours and I am sooo tired. Baby girl hasnt been sleeping well for the past two nights. Every few hours she has woken up in a screaming fit. T sleeps right through it like he is dead so leave it to mommy to have to deal with her. Right now she is sleeping in bed with him since I picked her up around 5 am and stuffed her in bed with us. That calmed her down enough to get her to sleep. I hope this isnt going to be a regular deal with her because I am getting very grumpy from lack of sleep. We are also trying to find a new house to live in. Our lease is up soon and we could renew at this house but I am thinking our best bet is a newer house. This one is rather old and moldy and the street in front is VERY busy. I would rather live somewhere more quiet. I do like our neighbor though so I might miss him. I dont think its a good idea to not move cause I like my neighbor overall but neighbors are a big thing.

On another topic, I keep telling T about the New Zealand bird "Pukeko" The Pukeko, or New Zealand Swamp Hen is a member of the rail family, and is similar to other species found all over the world. It is one of the few New Zealand native birds to have flourished since the arrival of man, and can be found in almost any grassland area, especially in swampy locations. Groups will often be seen foraging for food in road-side areas. (http://pukeko.ws/bird.html)
T has never seen one since we moved here and I keep telling him about the big blue chickens I see from time to time and he didnt believe me. So we were out looking at possible new houses to live in and we found one we liked alot though the neighborhood is completely shabby, however, there is an estuary near the end of the road and lo and behold there was a whole group of Pukeko's. Of course I didnt have my camera but at least he got to see one and can now stop making fun of me. yay!

Talk to you when I get back from OZ

New Zealandism of the Day:

Spoiled For Choice ~ As usual, not really sure of the meaning but think it means you have alot of choices which you really dont in New Zealand. I was telling a NZ friend of mine a few weeks ago that its so wierd to stand in the supermarket and want pickles but there is only a few jars of pickles and not any brand I know whereas in the US I would want pickles and there would be practically an aisle of them of all different textures and flavors and regions so maybe I am spoiled for choice. who knows?

Recipe For Disaster

2007-07-31T15:22:00.001+12:00

Recipe For Disaster
Originally uploaded by pointybunny

Last night I was making a casserole for dinner. Since moving here I cook more at home than I ever have before. Many foods and ingrediants I normally used are not available to me or are too expensive so the only answer was to make my own variation of recipes. So I have had a recipe book going for a long time with all my substitutions and ones I made up.

Well, I am getting ready to make our dinner and I put the recipe book on the oven (you can see where I am going with this) and turned on a burner. I start cutting potatos and talking to T who is playing with baby girl and all of a sudden it occurs to me that the house is getting really smokey. Turn around and see my recipe book on FIRE! I put it to close to the burner that was on and the edge caught fire and quickly spread. Without a second thought I grabbed the edge and threw it in the sink and turned on the tap. Smokey, smelly and soggy is what my recipe book is now. You might add in "Ruined"

So Check out this Commercial, it cracks me up.

Who Said Poop?

2007-07-28T23:32:00.001+12:00

Feeling Better!
Originally uploaded by pointybunny

Baby Girl did! Today, she told me she pooped. First time. Doesnt seem like an occasion for excitement but it really is. Means she is aware of what she is doing and she needs a change.

We went through another round of doctor's visits here. Somehow she managed to pick up some food poisoning. The doctor told me that she is bound to catch more viruses and other fun stuff being new to the area. That gives me something to look forward to. not. I have been spending my time sitting on the couch with her while she sits in a half doze. Thank goodness she got a clean bill of health on Wednesday though she is still a tiny bit weak.

To celebrate, daddy took us out to our favorite fancy Japanese restuarant here. Now that I think about it, perhaps just getting over food poisoning and then celebrating by going out to eat was probably not one of our smarter ideas. She packed in the food though. She is crazy for the tofu there and she ate alot of Daikon radish as well. As a special, special treat we let her have her very first REAL ice cream. Green Tea Ice Cream! My favorite! I don't let her eat many sweets and she had problems with eczema excluding her from dairy for awhile but it seems to be passing so we have let her eat cheese now but anyway, you should have seen her face with the first spoonful of ice cream! This look of utter joy passed over her and she enthusiaticly yelled "MMMMMMM"

She charmed the waitress as she does most everyone she meets so she got her own bowl of ice cream. She realizes chopsticks are for eating with but hasnt got the knack of them but she tries very hard to use them. She mostly stabs her food with them.

Earlier that day we had gone by the 'ol Pack N Save or as we call it The Pack N Slave cause you have to bag your own groceries. We bought a 10 kg bag of potatos but when I opened them today they were completely moldy and sprouted like you wouldn't believe. Today we had to go back and return them, they were nasty.

Which reminds me of a funny story I meant to write awhile ago but I forgot. Some weeks ago we went to Subway and Daddy ordered subs for all three of us and the girl behind the counter couldnt speak english that well and he isnt always readily understandable at times himself. Immediately I noticed the girl behind the counter was Japanese. The two of them limped along trying to get our order done in this terrible mixed up english that had me rolling on the floor because I realized they could speak Japanese and get it right in no time. After minutes of torture, I couldn't stand it anymore and yelled "Just speak to each other in Japanese, sheeh!" and they did and it took a minute to get it all right.

New Zealandism of the Day

Boy Racers - Means exactly that I suppose. The kids racing around in what we usually call "Tuners" Japanese import cars with loud mufflers pretending they are in "The Fast and the Furious" The authorities periodically announce some plan to abolish boy racers.

Sunshine!

2007-07-16T14:21:00.001+12:00

I can do it!
Originally uploaded by pointybunny

Hooray! we had one day of sunshine, we managed to get out to the lake. Lately it seems baby girl is growing up so fast my head is spinning. She is taller and more much, much more vocal. She speaks alot, not always in words anyone can understand but her vocabulary is bigger every day. Yesterday she learned the word "chicken" of course we had to hear "chicken" over and over but it was cool.

At the lake, there was a brand new baby slide. All by herself she climbed the steps and slid down all alone without my help. I was so proud of her! She does everything without hesitation, without worry. She is very strong and brave. She slides down, then jumps to her feet and with sparkling eyes begins to clap her hands. What a performance! Take a bow!

We were having fun at the playground but two little girls and a little boy came along and the little boy started throwing dirt all over the place, I kept asking him to stop because I was afraid that Baby girl would get dirt in her eyes but he wouldnt stop. As I grabbed up baby girl and started walking away, his mom came up and apologized. I was glad she apologized but a little supervision might have helped.

Back at home, I went back to the realities of having no dryer. As I always say, at times, its like living in the 1800s with no dryer or other major appliances. I am probably spoiled but you get used to these kind of things. Without a dryer you have to hang your laundry out in the yard and when its very cold like this it doesnt dry! then you bring it inside and it doesnt dry there either because its been raining and everything is wet. All our clothes smell mildewy but a friend of mine suggested putting vinegar in the wash to erase the mildew smell and it worked!!!! Now I dont have to worry about that anymore. Though one of my major wishes is a dryer. Keeping my fingers crossed. Dont make fun of me, lol, I dont know these things. I think I am becoming a different person since I moved here. Maybe it will make me stronger.

Can't Spell

2007-07-12T20:27:00.000+12:00

I enjoy life in New Zealand on the most part but one thing always drives me crazy. Some Kiwis can't spell. No offense to anyone but I haven't seen so many misspellings in my life. Granted I am not perfect but there are official town websites with typos, grocery products, advertisements, you name it. You could make the claim that is American English versus British English but I would like to submit to you the following evidence:

All questions asked by Kiwis on trademe the New Zealand equivalent to Ebay. Reminder, these are all real, legitimate questions written on trademe.

1. that sounds like a fair price do you have a contact mumber i can ring you one preferablay a home numner not a cell, as could we sort a test drive i take your word its a good box but 1.5 is a lot of money just piece of mine

2. 40 mins total play time
Comes With origanal packing and books

3. greatg house only 4 years old in sub division huge back yard double bedroom ,warm ,alarmed parking on drive way or rd . exsiting flatmates 2 females in early 20's awesome bathroom close to parks shops bus stops QE2 swimming pool 5 min drive to the palms mall
Smokers OK, no pets.

Furnishings:

everything is already here apart from your
bedroom furnature

4. The Akaroa Town Website has even the Sponsor
misspelled. Check out the bottom of the page.
http://www.akaroa.com

5. This is from a Forum:
Contact? You had you're far share when you lost your
ductail spolier giving one of the cef's
a love tap on the last lefthander.
I think you had your far share.

6. Latest Trademe question: do you still have
purchase receit ,
so if any problems this could be
returned under gurantee?

I am not writing this to be mean, simply I am worried,
I try and do my best at spelling and
I hope this isn't a reflection on the
school system here. Is it just lazy writing? or is
spelling not high on the list in school?
I am wondering
if I will have to teach spelling at home.
There are many times on trademe when
I cant honestly answer questions because
I really don't know what they mean!
I never have this problem on ebay.

Library

2007-07-12T15:44:00.000+12:00

It's been incredibly cold and rainy here and we cant afford to pay the fee yet for playgroups so I have been taking Meggy to the library lately. This is fun and ultimately irritating all at the same time. She loves other kids and thinks they love her in return so it's alot of her trying to talk to other children and trying to make them play with stinky old piggy. I can see in her eyes the hurt she feels when other children don't respond to her. She likes to run up and down the book aisles yelling "HI" at the other people in the library, she runs behind the counter, she hits the keyboards of the free to use computers, she takes the cd's out and runs with them, she pulls books out and tries to give them to people. It's like a whirlwind is loose. I can tell the librarian is alternately amused and irritated. That goes for most of the other people in the library too, I think.

Today we went a little early hoping to beat the crowds that have been there because of school vacation and the rain but it was very busy. Alot of kids were there. Recently I have been dwelling on whether I am a good mother or not. Someone I know tells me I let Meggy watch too much tv and its been bothering me every day lately even though her playgroup teacher told me I am a very good mother and T tells me that all the time. We were sitting on a couch in the children's area and there was a small boy picking out books near me while Meggy was at the young adult section pretending she can read older people books, there were two adults talking near me and one was the little boys mother. He became bored with his story book and was trying to get her attention, she ignored him so he got louder and louder, suddenly she looked at him and screamed at the top of her lungs "Don't you yell at me, you will not get any book from here if you keep yelling at me" I was so shocked I couldnt even get my thoughts together for a second. Meggy started to cry. The little boy went back to his book as if he was used to this. The other woman she had been talking to didn't even say anything they went back to their conversation like nothing happened.

I tried to cheer up the little boy by reading him a story and he seemed to enjoy it. (no thank you from the mom btw) Meggy patted him on his head. I couldnt believe someone would yell at their child like that, especially in public. Yesterday at the supermarket I saw a couple with a little girl about Meggy's age arguing about something and the little girl wandered away almost out the front door of the supermarket while they weren't paying attention. So I guess my point is, I might be worried about being the best, but I dont think I am the worst. Meggy is kind, brave, inquisitive, active, intelligent, playful, and fun to be around. I think I am doing all right.

I did get a bunch of kids cook books from the library. I was thinking if we could find some easy recipes maybe she can help me cook. We also got an activity book and a children's book about Japan. I have been reading a book called The Swarm by Frank Schatzing. Its a big one, but completely riviting. I only picked it up because the cover looked nice and Meggy was driving me nuts running in circles so I grabbed something fast. Turns out to be a great read. It's all about what would happen if the ocean turned against us.

I forgot to mention, it's so cold here our olive oil turned into a solid!

New Zealandism of the day: Green Milk or Blue Milk

This confused me alot for awhile. Everyone kept referring to either green milk or blue milk. I was looking for blue milk in the store. Then I realized that the plastic top of whole milk is blue and the plastic top of skim milk is green. I haven't had this confirmed by a Kiwi, but I think this is the solution.

The Cat

2007-05-13T09:08:00.000+12:00

There is a cat watching me. All the time, from different vantage points. The cat is mostly white with a small amount of black and very large. The cat has a blue collar. Since we moved into this house I have seen the cat nearly everyday and in very odd places. One day I opened the curtains on the patio and the cat was right there looking at me through the glass. I see the cat looking at me through the windows of the kitchen in the mornings or from the top of the fence as I get in my car. Every time I would call Taka over to see the cat it would be gone and he didnt believe me. We have a very high fence around our yard and gate and I have never seen the cat jump it, he is just always here. I was starting to imagine the cat is a ghost or a product of my insanity when one day Taka actually did see the cat and a few days later baby girl started yelling "kitty kitty" so I know she saw the cat too.

This cat must be really interested in watching me. I am a cat sit-com star.

Wild about Wildlife

2007-05-11T12:43:00.001+12:00

Orana Wildlife Park
Originally uploaded by pointybunny.

Took baby girl to her first wildlife experience. Went to the little but nice Orana Wildlife Park

We started the day at her Music playgroup. Its also small and so far we like it. They have alot of activities that baby girl actually participates in, in her other playgroup she mostly just runs around in circles and causes trouble.

In a nice gesture they gave us all Mother's Day cards and Hot chocolate. Probably the only card I will get. Taka isn't big on cards or writing of any kind. The first time he ever gave me a card was this past Valentine's Day. Towards the end of the hour, Taka came for awhile and baby girl was so excited to have daddy there. She showed him all the toys and shared her cheerios with him. While we were talking she went and pulled all the playgroups books off the shelves.

Baby girl has a friend in her playgroups, a little Japanese girl who is about her same age and height. Her mother is very sweet however, much more quiet than me. oh well, most people are more quiet than me ha ha. I love watching them spend time together because since neither of them can talk properly they point alot and touch each other gently and Baby girl even let her eat some of her Cheerios. That might not sound like much but food is very important to her. One boy took her Cheerios and she was so upset she was shaking from head to toe. Well more about playgroups in another post.

After playgroup we headed off to the wildlife park. I am not a zoo fan because they make me sad but I guess these new style zoos with the simulated natural environment with room to run is as good as you can get being a captive.

Driving there was funny, when we go somewhere new, Taka always asks me "Where is the ...(insert place)?" and I always answer "How do I know, I have never been here before either" we have this same exchange every place we go.

Once there, as we got out of the car we immediately saw rhinocerus or rhinocerusus whatever the plural is there, but we had to wait for our friends. they were running late so we went inside to wait. Tickets were reasonable since children under 5 are free. Immediately inside baby girl spotted a group of ducks and ran at them trying to befriend them. She was afraid of birds for awhile after a chicken bit her but she seems to have gotten over that. When our friends arrived we jumped on the tram which was basically a tractor with two cars painted with zebra stripes attached. We were the only ones on the tram but mr driver didnt seem to thrilled with us. At every stop he seemed to give this kind of double talk that would lead you to believe this was where we were supposed to get off. Finally at one stop, our friend Aki got off to ask the man about the Cheetah exhibit and driver yelled "hurry up, I cant wait here all day" we were like, "buddy, chill, we are the only ones on the tram" I finally got aggravated enough to get off at the Giraffe stop and walk the rest of the park. One good thing about that "tram" is it doesnt go flying around like a speeding bullet like the one at Disney's Animal Kingdom where you sort of go "Hey, I think I saw an elephant back there, not sure" when I was working there a tram ran over some rare birds!

At the Giraffe enclosure we were there in time for the Giraffe feeding. Park employees gave us branches with leaves on them and baby girl got to feed a giraffe! and I got to pet a Giraffe. Another thing on my list of things I never thought I would happen. I got hit by ham today too which was also on my list of things I never thought would happen but that is another story.

We walked up to the Lion enclosure and we were all struck by how big and powerful they are. I dont think unless you seem them in reality you can imagine the sheer power that radiates from them. Baby girl was yelling "Kitty Kitty" at them all which was very cute. I was worried that the scraggly fence around them might not hold if they got annoyed by her. Same thing with the tigers, but the tigers were most depressing for me. We only saw one but he was doing that bored pacing back and forth they do in captivity. They should be running through the jungle and swimming across rivers, not pacing back and forth in some ratty little pen while dopes like us stare at them.

They had a farm section with all the usual farm animals there. Baby girl saw a bunny and almost went out of her mind. They had an enclosure with 2 cows and 2 sheep just hanging out and you could climb in with them. I found it odd there were no park employees around to watch out that you didnt kill yourselves or the animals. Baby girl immediately ran to the sheep and hugged them. She touched the cows lovingly though when they moved she got nervous because of their size. I kept a close eye on her so she didnt start poking them. She saw a real Piggy too but didnt believe me it was the same as her stuffed Piggy.

Baby girl's love for animals is amazing. I don't know where it comes from as we don't have any animals and she has never been around them for any length of time. You can see her love for animals comes from her heart. Her eyes shine when she sees them. Somehow she makes the connection between her stuffed toys and real animals too.
Taking her to animal places is my favorite, it's always so fun to see her really happy like this.

We went in the Kiwi house which oddly enough, had a sign written in japanese but I didnt see anything else written in Japanese. Didn't see any Kiwi's though. I am beginning to think they are mythological. every time we go somewhere there are supposed to be Kiwi's there arent any.

If you have any curiousity about why New Zealanders call themselves "Kiwi's" you can read about it :
Here
I wondered that myself as it doesn't seem all that flattering but it says they can outrun humans and slash with their feet. All useful skills.

Well, seems like most people really love monkeys because we sure saw alot of them and everyone in our party was thrilled. I am a grouch, I don't dig monkeys that much. However, we did see Otters and I am in love with Otters now. I didn't know they were the cutest things on earth. I could watch them all day. Everyone else was enthralled with watching the porcupine get fed but I couldn't get away from the otters. They are natures comedians, they were so funny and adorable.

Back at the front of the park, baby girl was having fun with the ducks again. For some odd reason she was growling and squealing at them which made her look like she was having a fit of some kind. In the gift shop I wanted to pick her up a souvenir but all the stuffed animals were very pricey and the baby shirts were too, I was in there for so long everyone was annoyed by me so I grabbed a little plastic cup with the logo on it for baby girl. The salesclerk said "is this it?" in a aggravated tone. Well, at least I bought something for Pete's sake. sheesh. The sun was setting and the park was closing soon so it was time to take Baby girl home.

New Zealandism of the day:

"Bach"

This is some kind of vacation home and pronounced like "Batch" have heard it many times and with the accent always thought they were calling me a bad name (b#tch)

There is no parking in Christchurch

2007-05-06T08:32:00.000+12:00

We took baby girl out to eat last night in the city. Took her to the stone grill and some friends came along. Taka drove in this big huge circle around the city because he lost his way but didn't want to admit it. He kept up a bantering chatter about all these neighborhoods he likes as if that would disguise the fact he went the wrong way.

Once at the restaurant of course we couldn't find any parking and drove around in circles looking for a space. There is always that one space full of broken glass open but besides that nothing. Downtown Christchurch is really slim on parking which I don't understand because there seems to be plenty of room to put up a parking lot. Maybe they don't want to pave paradise, but they shouldn't have all the stuff to do in a small area with no way to get there. Doesn't help that Taka gets so aggravated looking for parking he starts zooming around with disregard for traffic safety.

We finally found a spot and made it to the restaurant. There is a duck pond in the back that cheered up baby girl instantly. She loves animals of all kinds and she just learned to "quack" so that is her fun right there. The restaurant had teeny tiny tables and crammed 6 of us and baby girl's high chair around 2 tiny tables. People kept looking at us and it was starting to freak me out when I realized there was a big tv over my head with rugby playing on it. They like their rugby here.

The menu was very eclectic and odd. There was what they called a "flinstone steak" I tried to get Taka to order it so I could see what it looked like but he wouldn't. They even sold Kangaroo and Ostrich. I was horrified but the other people in our party ordered both without blinking an eye and had a normal conversation about it like it's something you do everyday.

Baby girl's fingers are still very tender and ouchie and she has learned not to shove food in her mouth like she usually does. She enjoyed her meal though and that's what is important. Our food was actually an hour late and we were getting very upset so finally Taka complained and they gave us 20% off the whole bill.

New Zealand Saying:

"Sweet As"

no, it's not sweet what you think, it's sweet as. Not sure how to use it in a sentence but its sort of like saying "cool"

The First Real Hurt

2007-05-04T23:28:00.000+12:00

Thursdays is Japanese playgroup day. This is baby girl's favorite play time. She knows the layout of the building very well now and is very comfortable with all the people. She always thinks everyone loves her and is there to talk to her and give her snacks . There is a toy here in the playgroup that she loves so very much. It's a toy stroller for a doll. She holds it by the handles and drives all over the place at full run, better get out of her way!

I was excited today because Daddy was going to join us at playgroup and watch baby girl for awhile at play in her element. My friend's husband, Aki, was also on hand. Today's playgroup theme was "Boy's Day" so everyone was decorating. Baby girl was in a great mood, zooming here and there with her stroller. so cute! She made it out the front door and into the parking lot. There is a small plot in the middle full of rose bushes but other than that it's basically a blacktop lot. Baby girl likes to go out and run up to the gate fronting the street then back to the playgroup entrance. When she was out in the yard her friend came with another doll stroller and they were happily rattling around.

I was walking right behind her as she pushed her stroller and suddenly she Fell. she fell hard. the doll stroller went whizzing out from under her. Her cry echoed on the walls of the church magnifying it. I picked her up and held her thinking that she was frightened from her fall. I held her and then I realized her crying was frantic and terrified and it wasn't lessening. I held her away from me and realized for the first time there was blood streaming from her hand. This is a moment a mother never wants to have happen. It all hits you in a flash "my child is hurt" then there is the panicky "what do I do?"

I immediately scanned the yard for help and spotted Aki, I cried out to him "she is bleeding, help me!" which he ran right over and we brought her into the main playroom and I asked the playgroup operators if they had a first aid kid (remember, I still dont really know what to do, but it sounded like a start) while they were looking for it I took Baby girl in the bathroom and rinsed her hand gently. The blood just didn't stop. I couldn't tell through all the blood but it looked like she ripped off her whole fingernail for starters.

Outside the bathroom, they brought the first aid kit to me and there was barely anything in it. the bandaids wouldnt stick to her fingers through all the blood and there wasnt any antibiotic. They ran her hand again under the cold tap in the break room and she began to scream again. All the other mothers hovered around trying to help but it more made me start to panic. I dialed Taka and told him to get there as fast as he could and right in the middle of talking to him I started to cry and couldnt continue. Handed the phone off to Sakura and just held baby girl as tightly as I could. For a moment, I shut down. This is not the way I pictured our first emergency. I think I knew in my heart that it wasnt life or death but still the blood of your child is frightening. The pain and fear in her that I couldnt lessen was overwhelming. We took her outside to wait for daddy and Aki held her hand up and put pressure on it. A bunch of the other mothers donated snacks to her to keep her calm. Even when in pain, Baby girl loves her snacks.

Daddy showed up and as usual, he brings the calm. We drove straight to the doctor and found out that she did rip off her fingernail, another finger has a terrible deep bruise and the nail was separating, she had a scraped finger and split lip. All this from just tripping with a baby doll stroller. I still can't figure out how she hurt herself so badly. I was standing right behind her and saw the whole thing.

Took her home and gave her some pain medicine and put her to bed to sleep a little. I sat on the couch and tried to figure out if there was anything I could have done to stop it from happening. Should I have let her wear different pants? Should I have not let her go outside? Should I have not let her play with the doll stroller? It went around in circles in my head. Taka told me that these things happen and having a child means having to deal with them. There was nothing I could have done, he said, and in the future she will most likely be hurt worse so I need to learn to deal with it and not panic. I know it wasn't the worse thing that could happen, but it was bad for me, bad for my vision of myself as a mother.

The Outdoors

2006-10-22T05:49:00.000+13:00

Baby Girl LOVES the outdoors. She loves trees and nature and playing in the mud. It's so fun to be outside with her. She wants to hug trees and poke bugs and eat dirt. She is most unhappy when I keep her stuck inside. Then she looks longingly out the window. I wonder where she got all this outdoor happiness. She has learned to use her stroller as a walker and she will do that for hours if I let her. Push the stoller around in the grass. She is amazingly steady walking with it. She hasn't taken any steps though. She is coming up on 11 months now and I am wondering when those first steps are going to come. She has come to appreciate birds as well. My parents have alot of bird feeders about the backyard and she will watch the birds with avid interest. She seems to be very taken with blue jays in particular. probably because they are nosy and colorful.

Perilous Encounters

2006-10-02T04:32:00.000+13:00

Picking up something stupid to eat
Originally uploaded by pointybunny.

It's so hard to keep baby girl from endangering her life constantly. She is always hitting her head or falling or putting inappropriate items in her mouth. I need to be 3 people to keep her safe. A couple days ago she was trying to stand and dance at grab at something all at the same time and bashed her head on the entertainment center. The hit was right over her temple so I was horrified. You could see the big knot forming immediately. I kept her quiet as you are supposed to do and watched her for hours and she did throw up once so I was super worried but other than that she was fine. She has a big black and blue now. Poor dear.

This is the 3rd time she has had a terrible fall. The first time she fell off the bed. Taka had to talk me down from a freak out over that. I did call the hospital and they gave me advice and said she didnt sound to bad off. The second time was the most scary. She had manged to climb up 5 stairs on her own before I got to her and she tumbled backwards down the stairs. I had just seen a movie where a child died like that. I don't know if I will be able to survive all these near misses. I wish I could put her in bubble wrap or a tupperware bowl to keep her safe. I wanted to get her a baby helmet but everyone thinks it's a stupid idea.

She is such an adventure girl, I guess it will only get worse as she learns to walk properly. I'll have to get used to having a heart attack everyday.

Turned 10 Months Old Today!!

2006-09-24T16:01:00.000+12:00

PARTY! I didn't take a photo of her today though because her poor face looks so painful with a bad outbreak of excema. It must hurt her so badly. I try everything and it just doesn't go away. The doctor isnt hardly any help.

At least, Meggy seemed to have a happy day. In the morning she got to play with Grandpa and have toast and biscuits. Then we went downstairs and played games. I was teaching her a cirque du soleil move by having her leap off the ottoman into my arms. She is so amazing and flexible with no hint of fear. She also kissed me first thing this morning. She has never done that before. It was soo cute.

We watched a little My Neighbor Totoro, then played some games. Mostly games involving her jumping and trying to break her neck in some way. Grandma came to get her and her and Grandpa took her for a walk. She got two birthday presents, A pack of scooby doo playing cards she can mess up - she has a thing for cards - and a giant package of diapers. Grandpa let her have a taste of his strawberry Italian ice and she loved it. She played in Great Grandma's room for a little while. She gets alot of love, that's for sure. There is no lack of that. Sometimes I worry about not enough variation of people or lack of something more stimulating in her environment instead of a group of old non active people.

Daddy called in the evening to talk to her and wish her happy birthday. He says he will come be with us for her first birthday. He will be a total stranger to her. I hope this all works out for us. I really do.

First Steps

2006-09-23T17:30:00.000+12:00

Look! Daddy! She can stand up
Originally uploaded by pointybunny.

Little Bird took her first couple steps today. It was amazing. She was standing like she has learned to do and actually walked her way only holding on to the table part of the time over to her grandma. I was so proud of her!

I woke up yesterday morning with a diaper stuck to my face. It was a clean diaper, I must have set it on my bed for some reason and was so tired I didnt notice it was there.

This morning baby girl woke up in a happy mood. We went upstairs and hung out with Grandma in the back yard. A guy came to fix the furnace and kept telling me how beautiful she was. As if I don't know already. lol. She hasnt been drinking as much formula lately. She had some crackers, corn, teething biscuits for food today besides formula. I need to start putting her on a regular eating schedule. I have been very bad about that.

We did go on a trip to the grocery store. She liked it at first but then she got grouchy. I think her teeth hurt her very badly. She has another 2 teeth coming through.

One funny thing she started doing that cracks me up, when you say "YAY" she claps her hands. She also played in her empty baby bath tub for awhile. Using it like a boat almost. Maybe she wanted to take a bath? Taka thinks I should bathe her everyday but the doctor said not to because of her eczema.

Standing Up

2006-09-20T02:54:00.000+12:00

Meggy learned to stand up. Now she stands up and claps so everyone has to look at her and she makes sure you pay attention until she falls down on her pamper padded butt. I told her I am not going to clap for 20 minutes when she has learned to stand up that long. I probably will though.

Standing has created alot of new problems though. Now she can reach the top of low bureaus and tables. Now she can pull things down on her head. Now she can crack her head on a whole new dimension of things. I just had to stop writing so I could watch her put a rubber duck in her mouth and stand up. It's funny how she spends all day working so hard at this new skill. She can't possibly get any cuter....but then she does! I wonder how long it will take her to figure out how to walk. Is it a long step between standing and walking? Meagan, don't drop my journal on the floor!!!! ack